My Tragic Anime Backstory (How It Started)

Three decades ago, my parents had unprotected sex while watching Ren and Stimpy VHS tapes after a blizzard. By the grace of God, my mother decided to carry my sorry ass into this world to live in the boonies of Appalachia. Living in the mountains, surrounded by nature with very little crime of the violent variety should sound very appealing. It normally would be EXCEPT for one thing:

DAWN MOTHERFUCKING BILLMYRE!

Image source: The Augusta Chronicle (yes, this ended up on local news.)

This absolute menace to society made an LLC to justify her animal hoarding that took up two houses once upon a time, houses that could have provided shelter for families, young people in need of homes, or really ANYBODY who needs a house. Instead of working a job, paying taxes and bills or even taking showers like any normal person would, Dawn decided to dedicate her life to hoarding cats while forcing others to foot the bill for the care of these generally unwanted cats, resulting in the entire neighborhood stinking of cat urine to high Hell EVERY SUMMER, EXACERBATED BY THE OUTDOOR HEAT . Naturally, this is unsustainable but logic, numbers, and reason never stopped this crazy cat lady from achieving her goal. Even though she is well on the way to losing her main residence/cat piss sanctuary, she continues to wallow in the cat pee and not pay property taxes.

Why pay your water bill and shower when even your cartoon self can hoard cats?

Even though my home is blocks away from her cat piss sanctuary, the fetid odor of sheer, concentrated cat piss still permeates and grows like a cancer. It is a smell that gave me asthma attacks, sent me to medical facilities, and yet, I never could do anything about it. Even though her cat hoarding has been the cause of several health crises for me (and possibly other residents), even though it still makes the whole neighbor hood stink to high hell, nothing can be done. At best, take one house away and four hundred cats while leaving a remainder of one hundred and fifty cats. You know, in case Dawn gets lonely.

It sure looks like Garfield’s enjoying his time with the hoomanz, huh?

With the majority of my life spent being exposed against the foul odor of cat waste by these litter box sniffers like Dawn and her suckers supporters, having to bite my tongue for these deranged feline lovers either out of collectively expected social etiquette upheld by pro cat propaganda and Big Pet^TM or for the sake of even having A JOB, from college “friends” inviting me over to their place with their mean ass cats who are “just being playful” to being expected to house, nurture and rehouse countless strays people breed and abandon because “it’s better than euthanasia,” I have had ENOUGH!

So much enough that I decided to make a shitty website about it, because I ain’t farming for Reddit karma especially knowing that I can get banned for farting too loud on that hellsite. Fuck you, Reddit! You’re not Equifax. I shouldn’t need an arbitrary karma score to do what I do every morning before work. I’m a professional at cat hating, and I got it down to a science. Your karma ain’t shit compared to my ChD, my Cat Hater Degree! This shit ain’t nothing to me, man!

Catsareawful.com is more than just a dinky website for some crazy redneck to rant and rave about cats and cat owners. It is a website to bring joy and entertainment for those who did not join the Cult of the Cat, for those who live cat free lives and are tired of the Litter Box Sniffer’s incessant mental gymnastics used to justify having animals that should not be pets as pets. It is a place for anti cat jokes, litter box sniffer slander, and a fun and humorous place not only for me but those who are just as sick of cat worship and the smell of cat urine as much as me.

For the sake of this site and my protection, call me El Perro.

A picture of me with my favorite beverage (2025, colorized.)

I, El Perro, DO NOT CONDONE ANIMAL NEGLECT, ABUSE, OR GOING AFTER ANYONE’S CATS. THIS PAGE IS ALL FOR FUN, ALL FOR LAUGHS, ALL FOR JOKES WTH A SLIGHT HINT OF EDGE. PLEASE DON’T GO DOING BAD THINGS BECAUSE OF WHAT SOME WEIRDO ONLINE SAID IN A FACETIOUS MANNER THAT YOU CAN’T FULLY GRASP, BECAUSE IT’S ALL TEXT. ENJOY THE FREAKSHOW!